4-13-09           my first blog! well yesterday my girlfriend gave me some news. shes pregnant...i had to pull it out of her because she was scared to tell me. i didnt sleep with her and she didnt cheat on me but thats all the details im going to give. it wasnt either of our fault. i told her i would be there for her though and the baby because i love her. i wont run away just because a baby is going to be in our lives now. i will love that baby like i would if i had made it. i wanted to be a daddy really bad in the first place but i wasnt planning on it this earlier with me only about to turn 19 on may 13th 2009. it was a great shock to me and im really scared (never been this scared before) but at the same time im super happy and excited cuz im going to be responsible for another life. this is like the greatest feeling. im just worried about getting a good job when i move so that in 8 months (shes about a month in) i will have enough money to support that baby and my girlfriend. if its a boy i am naming it Truett. if its a girl shes naming it Angel Grace. im hoping for a girl tho so by the time we have another in several years from now, i will have a little baby sitter sometimes lol. i will still be just as happy if its a boy tho. i just want to be the best daddy i can and love that child unconditionally. so much stress and work to do so little time.

she said

i asked april if she believes we will be together for life and she said yes because she loves me. that was the best thing i could hear her say because i really believe her. i love her more than anybody i ever have before. ive loved people before but never really been IN LOVE persay. i would do anything for her. i love her so much. after her saying she did believe we would be forevor that erased all my doughts. it makes me want to ask a question but i dont think i really should right now. ive been praying about it and think its right but not sure if i should. i love her more than anything.

she said yes!

ok i asked april if she would marry me and she said yes! i think im the happiest person in the world today! lol. im not marrying her because we are gonna have a kid in our lives. i asked because i truly love her with all my heart. my world revolves around her and she always the first thought in my mind when i wake up. always the first person i pray for every night. and it drives me crazy when im not talking to her. shes all i think about and she makes me a better person. i believe this is what God wants. so im running full speed with it and not stoppin. and she made my song CRAZY into a country song lol im gonna have to hear that one lol. i love you with all my heart april!!!! : )

goin crazy

the days i cant talk to her drives me crazy. i dont know what to do with myself. i just exercise and write to keep my mind busy. i love her so much. i need to figure out how i can move to where she is so i wont have to worry too much about it. its almost painful sometimes when i miss her. ive never been this way before. whats wrong with me? all i can do is pray and ask for strength and that shes doing ok. i wonder sometimes if she misses me as much when i dont call. im struggling still to get a job so i can get enough money to move or something. im gonna be doing odd jobs like mowing and scooping horse and cow crap or something because nobody is hiring in town. im a workaholic and not having a job is driving me up the wall. i dont want to be broke anymore. i got my tax return check yesterday tho. a good start for money to save for the future approaching. i love you april! doing my best...

dont know

feel like i did something wrong. shes not acting the same. i dont know if its the pregnancy emotions or if i did something wrong. i just dont want to lose her. i would just lose it i love her so much.

so many questions

so many questions i have and alot of things not coming together. am i just crazy? why do my thoughts constantly spin through my head and all i want is to run on faith and trust.  i want to do things right but cant do it properly when all these damn thoughts go through my head. i have so much patience but it seems to want to run out sometimes. thank god for the power of prayer and the fact i dont have to do shit off of my own strength. but still...so many questions

things are comin together for us

april is moving to denton! oh god i am so happy cuz i will finally get to hold her in my arms and never let go again. i dont think she will particularly like denton but she will be close to me (only 15 minutes) so i can actually be there for her and when she has the baby. i dont feel like she really wants me to be part of the babys life so much now cuz of comments she makes but maybe its just her hormones talking cuz shes developed quite a mouth lol. but that is something i really like about her...she dont take any shit! just like me. i know im not so nice sometimes but i dont say anything to ever hurt her. i just joke. i love her so much and would never purposefully hurt her. im just so damn excited! i will have my baby with me now (april). i love you so much

smart and beautiful

this is funny so listen up! ok last week when april told me she was moving i made a smart ass comment kidding with her. i told her that now i can ignore her from a closer distance. i was kidding cuz she was being mean. so the other night on mothers day my mom wanted to talk to her but april didnt wanna talk to my mom so i just gave my mom the phone and made her talk to her lol. that made april mad so she told my mom that i told her i could ignore her from closer when she moves to denton. my mom got all on me over it so i have to admit april is pretty devious lol. she got me pretty good so now she likes my mom cuz my mom is on her side on that one cuz i got in trouble for it lol. why did i get a beautiful AND smart woman? daaaamn it lol. im gonna have to watch out lol.

my baby will be in my arms soon!

i talked to april the other day and she said she was actually moving to denton in two weeks. i was sp freakin excited my head was spinning. ive waited all this time and will finally have my baby in my arms! i cant wait to see her and be able to hold her in my arms and i wont let go when i do. oh my god it seems like god has a bit of a sense of humor. i was thinking that i wouldnt see her till december and i was a little mad about that which i know god knew of course then he smacked me in the face and said stop trying to control the situation moron! and then look what happens! shes moving right next to me by coincedense lol. tripped me the hell out haha. it just goes to show god knows you better than you do and he IS in control. he knows how bad i was hurting being away from april and he totally woked it out out of nowhere so i could be with her knowing that i couldnt move there for quite a while. so im so excited. thank you lord! i will have more faith in you and put it in your hands. everything is falling together. im gonna be able to get a job. my grandma sue is letting me stay with her until august if i get a job in two weeks. ill have an apartment with one of my awesome friends in august so i can finish school in denton. i havnt been happier and more tripped out than this since i can remember. i love you april. more than you could know. ill be here with you by your side always. dont ever dought baby!